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.:. .:. Things I Learned at Work .:.

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  • Indecision is the key to flexibility.

  • You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

  • There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

  • Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

  • Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.

  • The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

  • The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

  • Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

  • Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

  • Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

  • Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

  • Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

  • I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

  • Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

  • If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

  • All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

  • One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

  • Every time you make ends meet, they move the ends.

  • Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

  • The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

  • There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

  • This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.

  • Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

  • The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing. 

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