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.:. .:. Things to Think About .:.

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  • The truth is out there? Anyone know the URL?

  • Was today really necessary?

  • What if there were no hypothetical situations?

  • What was the best thing *before* sliced bread?

  • What's another word for "thesaurus"?

  • When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

  • Who needs rhetorical questions?

  • Who said things would get better?

  • Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

  • Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

  • Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

  • Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

  • Why do they report power outages on TV?

  • Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

  • Why is it called a "tourist season" if we can't shoot at them?

  • Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

  • Why is it so hard to remember how to spell "mnemonic"?

  • A day for firm decisions!!! Or is it??

  • A fly without wings... Would it be called "a walk"?

  • After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

  • After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

  • All the world's a stage. Where does the audience sit?

  • All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

  • Any of you seen a modem carrier around here?

  • Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2. Advising the President. 3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.

  • Daddy, what does "formatting" drive C mean?

  • Why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

  • Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

  • Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!

  • Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog?

  • Did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the road when one of them was assaulted?

  • Do invisible cats drink evaporated milk?

  • Do we know that life has a cause?

  • Do wizards use spell checkers?

  • Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

  • Does a fish get cramps after eating?

  • Does Donald Duck eat turkey for Thanksgiving?

  • Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

  • Everyone knows the speed of light. But does anyone know the speed of dark?

  • Find God?!? Why? Is he missing?

  • Hard work never killed anyone, but why take a risk?

  • Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

  • Have you ever noticed... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

  • Have you tried McSquared, the pure energy fast-food?

  • How can someone "draw a blank"?

  • How can there be self-help "groups"?

  • How come they call them buildings if they've already been built?

  • How do you know if anything really exists? Kick it *really* hard.

  • How do I set my laser printer to stun?

  • How do you make Windows faster? Throw it harder!

  • How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog!

  • How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning?

  • I want everything; do you have it??

  • If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

  • If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?

  • If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

  • If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

  • If a tree fell on the florist, would he make any sound?

  • If hardware overheats, does it turn into software?

  • If IBMs have Bugs, do APPLES have Worms?

  • If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

  • If Jesus was Jewish, what's he doing with a Mexican name?

  • If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)?

  • If life's a trip, then where's my ticket?

  • If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

  • If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the others have to drown too?

  • If ours is a man made world, why can't we remake it?

  • If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

  • If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?

  • If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?

  • If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

  • If there were no such thing as bears, what kind of hugs would we give?

  • If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

  • If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

  • If Windows is User-Friendly, why do you need to read a 672 pages manual?

  • If you can't be weird, why be?

  • If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

  • If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?

  • If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says: "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?

  • If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?

  • If you melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

  • If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

  • If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

  • Illiterate? Write for free help.

  • Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?

  • Is it okay to yell "movie!" in a crowded firehouse?

  • Is it worse to get your head handed to you, or your heart handed to you in a couple of pieces?

  • Is OS/2 only half an operating system?

  • Is that Windows or is that just an XT?

  • Is there another word for synonym?

  • Is this thing on?

  • Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

  • It's beautiful the way it is; why spoil it by making it legal?

  • Just "before" someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

  • Just what part of "No" didn't you understand?

  • No, I'm not an elitist. Why do you ask, peasant?

  • Of course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a fake?

  • Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the show?

  • Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?

  • Remember when cooking didn't involve calculus?

  • Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

  • Since she won't live forever, why give her a diamond?

  • Since when is talking a sign of thinking?

  • The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" ; The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" ; The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" ; The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

  • There is one God, but which one is He?

  • There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

  • War, what is it good for? Experience points!

  • Was Jimi Hendrix's modem a Purple Hayes?

  • We aim to please, could you aim too please?

  • We have a defense department that has a first strike capability?

  • What about attaching razor blades to frisbees?

  • What do you mean, you formatted the dog?

  • What do you suppose gives Stephen King nightmares?

  • What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

  • What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull.

  • What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.

  • What is the output of a vacuum pump?

  • What on earth is a "free gift"? Aren't all gifts free?

  • What's better... 5.25" floppy or 3.5" hard?

  • What's so great about humans anyway?

  • When agnostics die, do they go to the Great Perhaps?

  • When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?

  • When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

  • Where does the fire go when the fire "goes off"?

  • Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

  • Who is "they" anyway?

  • Who needs a virus when we've got OS/2?

  • Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

  • Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

  • Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

  • Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting?

  • Why aren't Conservatives interested in conservation?

  • Why be normal?

  • Why did CNN cancel that cool "Desert Storm" show?

  • Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

  • Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?

  • Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?

  • Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

  • Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

  • Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

  • Why does the person that snores always fall asleep first?

  • Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

  • Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?

  • Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

  • Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

  • Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?

  • Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

  • Why is the alphabet in that order?

  • Why is the word "Abbreviation" so long?

  • Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

  • Why is there only *one* Monopolies Commission?

  • Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

  • Why isn't phonetically spelled that way?

  • Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

  • Why use a big, long word when a diminutive one will do?

  • Will your answer to this question be in the negative?

  • Wouldn't it be nice if there was an Escape key for all of our problems?

  • You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

  • You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

  • You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

  • You people are so apathetic. Then again, who cares?


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