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.:. DJTECH.net .:. Truths of Life .:.

 

 
 
  • A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead. 

  • A bird in the hand is generally dead.

  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.

  • A drink a day keeps the shrink away.

  • A fool and his money are soon elected.

  • A friend in need is a pest indeed.

  • A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

  • A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

  • A kind word and gun gets you more than a kind word alone.

  • A king's castle is his home.

  • A little greed can get you lots of stuff.

  • A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame.

  • A man's house is his hassle.

  • A motion to adjourn is always in order.

  • A rolling stone gathers no moss.

  • A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.

  • A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.

  • Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

  • Actions speak louder than words.

  • Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

  • Affirmative Action is mediocrity's answer to Darwin.

  • After all is said and done, usually more is said.

  • After things go from bad to worse the cycle repeats.

  • All general statements are false.

  • All men are created unequal.

  • All Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

  • All that glitters has a high refractive index.

  • All that glitters is not gold.

  • All the money in the world can't buy you a smidgen of ignorance.

  • All the world's a stage... most of us are just stagehands.

  • All things being equal, you lose.

  • All work and no play, will make you a manager.

  • An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

  • Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.

  • Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.

  • Anything worth doing, is worth getting someone else to do.

  • Apes evolved from creationists.

  • At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.

  • Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the earth.

  • Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats.

  • Blessed are the pessimists, for they have made backups.

  • Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for ye shall not be disappointed.

  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

  • Chess players mate better.

  • Chicken little only has to be right once.

  • Committees do harm merely by existing.

  • Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.

  • Corrugated iron is really groovy.

  • Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.

  • Curiosity killed the cat. What the heck they got 9 lives.

  • Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

  • Desserts spelled backwards becomes stressed.

  • Eagles fly; but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

  • Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

  • Elevators smell different to midgets.

  • Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.

  • Every man has a price.

  • Every silver lining has a cloud.

  • Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

  • Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter much since nobody listens.

  • Everything changes except change.

  • Everything in time is birth to some and death to others.

  • Everything inspires. But one things more than others.

  • Everything is possible; just not too probable.

  • Everything is unimportant in some way.

  • Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.

  • Everything takes longer than you think.

  • Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

  • Expensive silk ties attract spaghetti sauce.

  • Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

  • Faith will move mountains.

  • Familiarity breeds contempt.

  • Floggings will continue until morale improves.

  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

  • For every idiot-proof system, a new improved idiot will arise to overcome it.

  • For every problem there is a simple solution, and it's always wrong.

  • For him to get an idea, it would be a surgical process.

  • Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.

  • Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

  • Generalizations (as a rule) are bad.

  • Geochronologists will date any old thing.

  • George Washington's brother was the uncle of our country.

  • Giving money and power to the government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

  • God spelled backwards becomes Dog.

  • Golf scores are directly proportional to the number of witnesses.

  • Good fences make good neighbors.

  • Good generally conquers evil. Unless, of course, good is stupid.

  • Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere.

  • Gravity always wins.

  • Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.

  • Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!!

  • Half a loaf is better than none.

  • Half of the people in the world are below average.

  • Happiness can't buy money.

  • Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

  • Hard work will never break up with you.

  • Have an affair. It will break up the monogamy.

  • Having a good time can be deadly.

  • Having a Smoking Section in a restaurant is a little like having a Peeing Section in a pool!

  • He who dies with the most of anything, is still dead.

  • He who hesitates is last.

  • He who hesitates too long, must change his underwear.

  • He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.

  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.

  • He who laughs last usually gets a shot in the face.

  • He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword.

  • He who throws mud loses ground.

  • Heisenberg may have been right.

  • Heisenberg Might Have Slept Here.

  • Heisenburg probably rules.

  • High explosives are applicable where truth and logic fail.

  • History does not repeat itself, but it often rhymes.

  • History doesn't repeat itself. Historians do.

  • Humankind cannot bear very much reality.

  • Hungarian food is OK if you like dog tartare.

  • If a problem has a single neck, it has a simple solution.

  • If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.

  • If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

  • If it appeals to everyone, evangelists will target it.

  • If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion.

  • If it's not nailed down, it's fair game.

  • If love is blind, lingerie makes great Braille.

  • If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.

  • If people ate what they killed, there would be no more wars.

  • If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.

  • If we don't know it already, chances are we're not interested in learning it.

  • If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget you book.

  • If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.

  • Ill-bred children are always displaying their pest manners.

  • In 20 years there will be radio stations playing classic rap.

  • In life's rat race, it's not how fast you can run but how good you deal with the cats that matters.

  • In life's wallet, there's no compartment for change.

  • In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.

  • In theory, everything works.

  • In today's world, anyone who is not confused just isn't thinking straight.

  • Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

  • Inside every short man is a tall man doubled over in pain.

  • It is better to copulate than never.

  • It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.

  • It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

  • It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

  • It's amazing how mature wisdom resembles being too tired.

  • It's an ill wind that blows no good.

  • It's bad luck to be superstitious.

  • It's better to have a horrible ending than to have horrors without end.

  • It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

  • It's not just reality that matters.

  • It's not over till it's over.

  • It's not what you say in your argument, it's how loud you say it.

  • It's not when you get up, but when you get down.

  • It's okay to laugh in the bedroom, but don't point.

  • It's only a game until you lose.

  • It's only a hobby... only a hobby... only a

  • It's only fun if you can get in trouble.

  • It's only hopeless if you walk away.

  • It's the empty can that makes the most noise.

  • It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease.

  • It's who we don't say no to that defines who we are.

  • Its hard to get a "head" in the world...

  • Just because the past runs you doesn't mean you can run from the future.

  • Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs louder.

  • Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.

  • Laugh at your problems, everyone else does.

  • Let he who has no stones cast the first sin.

  • Life has a lot of undocumented features.

  • Life is a bowl of spaghetti O's. They're all zeros, you just have to eat them up.

  • Life is cheap. It's the accessories that kill you.

  • Life is complex. It has real and imaginary parts.

  • Life is full of little surprises.

  • Life is just one of those things.

  • Life is like a package from the Unabomber... you never know what you're gonna get

  • Life is like being thrown into a bed of roses. You get to smell the roses and feel the thorns.

  • Life is like... an analogy.

  • Life is recursive.

  • Life is too important to be taken seriously.

  • Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

  • Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.

  • Life's a beach, and then you drown.

  • Life's a trip and then you run out of Travelers' Checks.

  • Life's biggest question is whether or not you're happy - not with others, but with yourself.

  • Life's like raisin bran. Few raisins and lots of bran.

  • Love is blind; marriage is the eye-opener.

  • Love isn't love until you give it away.

  • Love thine enemies...it really pisses them off.

  • LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.

  • Make hay while the sun shines.

  • Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely.

  • Mankind is naturally evil, society inhibits it.

  • Many a family tree needs trimming.

  • Many hands make light work.

  • Men are like toilets: the good ones are taken, the rest are full of shit.

  • Moderation is good, but boring.

  • Money can't buy everything. That's what credit cards are for.

  • Money can't buy happiness, but allows a choice of misery.

  • Money can't buy happiness... but it sure makes misery a lot easier to live with.

  • Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.

  • Money makes the world go around. Love just barely keeps it from blowing up.

  • Money won't buy happiness, but it will get a dinner date.

  • Money won't buy happiness, but it's a great down payment.

  • Most people deserve each other.

  • Murphy's law only fails when you try to demonstrate it.

  • Nature abhors a vacuum.

  • Nature abhors second order differential equations.

  • Nice guys don't finish nice.

  • No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.

  • No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong.

  • No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.

  • No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.

  • No matter where you go; you're there.

  • No one is listening until you make a mistake.

  • No one is perfect, but some of us are closer than others.

  • Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

  • Nobody gets out of the Bermuda Triangle. Not even for lunch.

  • Nobody notices when things go right.

  • Nostalgia is okay but not what it used to be.

  • Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.

  • Nothing ever goes away.

  • Nothing is illegal until you get caught.

  • Nothing is so simple that it can't get screwed up.

  • Nothing is wrong with you that reincarnation can't cure.

  • Old age and treachery will beat youth and enthusiasm.

  • Old hippies never die, they just flashback!

  • Old musicians don't die... they just decompose.

  • Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.

  • Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

  • One good turn gets most of the blankets.

  • One on-topic post a day keeps the moderator at bay

  • Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible.

  • Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally.

  • Opposites attract.

  • Out of sight, out of mind.

  • Part-time musicians are semiconductors.

  • People have one thing in common: they are all different.

  • People who live in glass houses... shouldn't.

  • People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

  • People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

  • Philosophers can be divided into two groups: those who divide philosophers into two groups, and those who don't.

  • Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely.

  • Practice makes perfeckt.

  • Predestination was doomed from the start.

  • Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel.

  • Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.

  • Religions change, but beer and wine remain.

  • Resistance is useless! (If < 1 ohm)

  • Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

  • Romulans are so ruthless because every day is a bad hair day.

  • Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

  • Schizophrenia beats being alone.

  • Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell.

  • So many cheques, so little money.

  • So many lawyers, so few bullets.

  • So many pedestrians, so little time.

  • Some authors should be paid by the quantity NOT written.

  • Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

  • Some do, some don't, some will and some won't.

  • Some drink at the fountain of knowledge... others just gargle.

  • Some have morals, some don't, most simply ignore them.

  • Still waters run deep.

  • Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

  • Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

  • Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

  • Taxation *with* representation isn't so hot, either.

  • Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.

  • Test tube babies shouldn't throw stones.

  • The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.

  • The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.

  • The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.

  • The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

  • The body of a dead enemy always smells sweet.

  • The buck doesn't even slow down here.

  • The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

  • The course of progress: Most things get steadily worse.

  • The early cat gets the bird if the early dog hasn't already eaten it.

  • The Earth is like a grain of sand, only bigger.

  • The employer generally gets the employees he deserves.

  • The fatter you are, the harder it is to see your feet.

  • The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

  • The government solution to a problem is usually as bad as the problem.

  • The greatest productive force is human selfishness.

  • The key to a good deal in life is not making a big deal about anything.

  • The more things change, the more they stay insane.

  • The more things change, the more they stay the same.

  • The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

  • The most expensive component always breaks first.

  • The new baby is like royalty, he's the prince of wails.

  • The nice thing about having nothing is you don't have to worry about losing it.

  • The nice thing about kleptomania is that you can take something for it.

  • The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

  • The pants were very sad, they were depressed.

  • The problem with people who worship themselves is when they get together their religions conflict.

  • The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

  • The real trick to carrying on is not getting carried away.

  • The real world is a special case.

  • The reward for a job well done is more work.

  • The rich get richer; the poor get babies.

  • The second most preposterous notion is that copulation is inherently sinful.

  • The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

  • The shortest distance between two puns is a straight line.

  • The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.

  • The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult is was.

  • The trouble with getting a life is making the payments.

  • The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.

  • The Two Rules of Success: 1. Don't tell everything you know.

  • The unexamined life is not worth living.

  • The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.

  • The whole purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others.

  • The world's so terrible that one can only make fun of it.

  • The worst thing about censorship is [deleted by censorship].

  • The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.

  • Therapy helps, but screaming obscenities is cheaper.

  • There are 3 kinds of lies: lies, damned lies & statistics

  • There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

  • There are few problems that can't be solved with high explosives.

  • There is always a law against doing anything interesting.

  • There is more room in your head for thoughts than thoughts in your head for room.

  • There is more to life than increasing its speed.

  • There is no need to lie your way through life, just keep the truth at a safe distance.

  • There's no point in being grownup if you can't be childish sometimes.

  • Things get worse under pressure.

  • Things will get worse before they get better.

  • Thinking about the past is a great excuse to waste the present and forget about the future.

  • This statement is false.

  • Those on the cutting edge bleed a lot.

  • Those who can't write, write manuals.

  • Those who fail to understand hyperbole may lose their asymptotes.

  • Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it.

  • Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

  • Those who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glass.

  • Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.

  • Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

  • Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

  • Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

  • To be a "proactive" lefty in the new South Africa is to give in to the demands of the other group before they have even made those demands.

  • To err and to blame someone else is human, but to really screw things up requires a computer.

  • To err is human, and stupid.

  • To err is human, to blame it on a computer is even more so.

  • To err is Human, to blame it on someone else is politics.

  • To err is human, to forgive is $5.00

  • To err is human, to forgive is simply not our policy.

  • To err is human, to moo is bovine.

  • To err is Human, with blondes it's mandatory.

  • To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.

  • To join boldly infinitives which no man has joined before.

  • To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

  • Too many cooks spoil the broth.

  • Too much of a good thing is wonderful.

  • Truth is stranger than fiction.

  • Two heads are better than one.

  • Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity.

  • Two thirds of Americans can't do fractions.The other half, just doesn't care.

  • Two wrongs are only the beginning.

  • Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

  • Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.

  • War doesn't determine who's right, but who's left.

  • What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.

  • What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.

  • What the hell, go and put all your eggs in one basket.

  • What will be, will be.

  • What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.

  • Whatever you delete today, you desperately need tomorrow.

  • When it comes to thought some people stop at nothing.

  • When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

  • When you pull the pin on Mr Grenade, he is no longer your friend.

  • When you swim in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!

  • Where subtlety fails us we must simply make do with cream pies.

  • While some people need friends, most people just need someone they can be better than.

  • Who dies, wins.

  • Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.

  • Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

  • You can actually get anywhere in ten minutes if you go fast enough.

  • You can be a king or a street-sweeper, but everybody at the end dances with the Grim Reaper.

  • You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories.

  • You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.

  • You can't be late until you show up.

  • You can't dream too much; you can't do enough to make your dreams come true.

  • You can't tell a book by its cover.

  • You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.

  • You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.

  • You cannot teach an old dog new tricks.

  • You don't have to conform to the values of your peers. It gets pretty boring sitting home every night though.

  • You know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

  • You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.

  • You live and you learn. Or you don't live long.

  • You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

  • You're either part of the solution or part of the precipitate.

  • You're never too old to learn something stupid.

  • You're only young once; you can be immature forever

  • Your type doesn't stay around long enough to stay your type.

 
 

 

 

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